


Push and Pull

by lastoneleft



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: AU, Angst, I suffered writing this, M/M, deliora is a serial killer instead of a demon, gray doesn't think things through, gray suffers, more canon divergent, natsu suffers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:08:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6399727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastoneleft/pseuds/lastoneleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray gets the opportunity of a lifetime but it costs him his relationship with Natsu.</p>
<p>Can he pull him back after pushing him away?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push and Pull

“Yeah, I got it. I’ll see you when you’re back from your job, okay?” Gray murmured with a warm smile. “My phone’s about to die, I gotta go. I know. Yeah, I know. God, I know! I’ll be there on time. I love you too, Natsu. Bye.”

Hanging up the phone, Gray slid it into his back pocket. He couldn’t wait for his boyfriend to get back. He’d been gone for two long weeks; just enough time for Gray to realize exactly how much he loved the crazy dragon slayer.

Gray was going to pick him up from the train station, take him for dinner, then he was going to propose to him under the stars. The simple thought of it all put a huge smile on his face. Gray rolled his eyes. After 3 years of dating, Natsu had turned him into a romantic. He reached into his coat pocket, hand grasping the velvet box that waited within. The look on Natsu’s face was going to be priceless. He was probably even going to cry. Not that Gray wasn’t, but he sure as hell wouldn’t let his tears fall before his boyfriend’s.

“Mr. Fullbuster?” A deep voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned to find a man he’d never seen before waiting for him to confirm. The man was tall, stern, and very official looking.

“Yeah?”

“I’m Private Investigator Alan Marshalls.” The blond informed him, dark brown eyes studying him.

Gray raised his brows. “Can I help you?”

“Hopefully, yes. I want to hire you for a job.” The man didn’t look confident that he was going to get what he wanted.

That made Gray wary. “What kind of job?”

“A well-paying one.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Gray looked at the time. “I have things to do, so can we make this quick?”

He got a nod in return. “I want you to track someone down for me.”

This man sure was taking his sweet ass time. “And how long is that going to take?”

“See, that’s the thing. I’ve been looking for this man for ten years and I haven’t had any luck. I’m hoping it won’t take you more than five.”

“ _Five?!_ ” Gray gaped. Was he insane? “That’s quite a bit of time to ask of me.” Gray stated in the most level voice he had..” I have a life here in Magnolia. Someone I gotta see every day that I can. I can’t go chasing after some man for you for Mavis knows how long.” Gray shook his head. “I’m sorry, but the answer is no. Good luck.” With that, he turned around and started back on his way.

“Wait!” The P.I. called after him. “It might not take that long! I swear you’ll be motivated. If you’ll just hear me out –”

“What part of _no_ don’t you understand?” Gray whipped around to glare at him. “My home, my life, everything I need is right here. There’s nothing you can –”

“It’s Deliora!” Marshalls blurted.

Gray’s jaw dropped. “What the hell did you just say?”

“The man I’m looking for goes by the name of Deliora.”

The alias alone had Gray’s blood boiling.

“He’s a serial killer… but I guess I didn’t have to tell you that though, did I?”

Gray bit his lip. He thought the search for Deliora ended a long time ago. Now here was some stranger giving him the chance to bring the man who sadistically murdered his parents to justice.

“He’s already been proven guilty. All we need to do is to bring him back so he can spend the rest of his life behind bars.” He offered.

Gray thought about it for a long moment. That man, that fucking _monster_ , was still out there while his parents were in the ground. When he was young, he wanted nothing more than to do to him what he did to them. Gray shook his head. That was in the past. He was happy now. Happier than he’d ever been. He found a new family when he joined Fairy Tail. He was happy with the path he took. It led him to Natsu, to his amazing, passionate, loving boyfriend.

Could Gray really ask Natsu to wait for him if he were to leave? Maybe he wouldn’t have to. Maybe Natsu would come. They always worked better as a team. “Can I bring a partner?” Gray asked.

Marshalls pursed his lips. “If you’re referring to your boyfriend, I’m afraid not. His fuse is far too short. He would jeopardize all the years of work I put in.”

“Then the answer is no. I’m not leaving him behind.” Gray turned and began to walk again.

“It’s a real shame. Were I you, I’d jump at the chance to put a little pain on the person who killed my parents before putting him away for the rest of his miserable life.” Marshalls baited.

Gray stopped in his tracks. Memories of screaming, blood splattering on the floor, bones cracking while his parents forced him to hide under his bed rushed to the front of his mind. The dark haired wizard shuddered. He could almost still feel the duct tape over his mouth. The tape his mom put on him to prevent him from screaming before she barricaded him under the bed to keep him hidden while he could hear his father bellowing in pain for his wife to run.

_‘I love you, Gray.’_ His mother’s last words bounced around in his head. _'I promise you’ll be safe.’_

Gray shook his head. “I don’t know, man. I’m sure there are other mages that would love to get their hands on him.”

“I’ve tried. No one has been successful. I hear you’re strong, though. Smart. Clever. I have faith that you could do it.” The man looked at him with stupidly hopeful eyes,

Damn him for playing the dead parent card. “I’ll think about it.” Gray finally muttered.

“Excellent. Here’s my card.” P.I. Marshalls handed him a simple business card before turning to leave. “I look forward to hearing from you.”

* * *

Gray spent the next three days going back and forth between going and staying. When he got Natsu’s text that he would be back before 5:00 that evening, he was hardly any closer to an answer. How could he leave the life he had here? If he were to go, there was no way he could ask Natsu to wait for him. It wouldn’t be fair.

Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t have to. He knew that if he accepted the job, there was no way in hell Natsu would let him go alone. Especially once he heard that Gray was going after a fucking serial killer. Natsu would follow him to the ends of Earthland make sure Gray was safe on a mission like that, even if he had to stalk him. Gray couldn’t risk that. Natsu was far too important to him.

The thought of the pink haired mage smiling, laughing, while Gray held him in his arms desperately made him want to stay. He wanted to build a life with that pyro because he completed him in ways Gray hadn’t known was possible.

But this man took his mother and father away from him. In such a violent way, too. The fact that he was still roaming free shook Gray to his very core. He swore up and down growing up that if he had a chance at revenge, he would take it.

He looked back down at the photo album in his lap. It had been open to the third page for a few hours now. It was his favourite photo of him and Natsu. Someone had caught a photo of them on their first date, holding hands as they walked out of the restaurant. Gray looked so ridiculously happy, laughing at something stupid Natsu had said. And Natsu… God, Natsu looked beautiful. His eyes said everything. Gray could see in that expression exactly how much Natsu loved him, even in the very beginning of their relationship.

His decision made, Gray pulled that photo out of the album and slid it into his wallet. He sent a message to the P.I. _'Let’s meet up. We need to discuss details.’_

Natsu called Gray the second after he sent him a text. “What do you mean you aren’t meeting me at the train station, Snowflake?”

“I meant exactly what I said, Ashes. I have a meeting to go to. I’ll see you at home in a few hours.” Gray strained to sound normal. He could hardly believe he was going through with this, but really, what other choice did he have?

“But Gray, I miss you!”

Gray’s eyes welled up. “I miss you too, Flame Brain.”

“Gray, what’s wrong? You sound like you’re about to cry.” Natsu’s voice was so full of concern that Gray nearly broke down right then and there. He was going to miss that idiot so goddamn much.

Gray took a deep, shaky breath. “Nothing. I’ll see you later.” He hung up before Natsu could probe further and bolted out the door.

* * *

Gray had planned on being home before Natsu, he really did, but holy fuck there were so many more details in this case than he had originally imagined. When Gray insisted he had to get home, Marshalls essentially told him he wasn’t leaving yet because _'this was necessary to know before he got on the train in a few hours.’_

So when Gray walked into their apartment, he was not at all surprised to find Natsu upset.

“Why are your things packed?”

Shit. This is exactly what Gray wanted to avoid. “Natsu, we uh… we need to talk.”

“Clearly, since it looks like you’re ready to move out.” His tone was sharp, but not angry. It should be. Gray would be furious if he randomly came home to Natsu’s belongings stuffed into suitcases.

“Natsu, there’s no easy way to say this,” he began.

"Then just say it.” Natsu met his eyes, his gaze steady.

Gray’s eyes were already threatening to tear up. He had to go. He needed the closure, needed that sick fuck to be behind bars.

“It’s over, Natsu.” The second the words left his mouth, Gray wanted to take them back. _'It’s the only way he won’t follow me. He can’t come. He has to stay here, he has to stay safe. I can’t drag him into this.’_

The shock that swept over Natsu’s features stabbed at Gray’s resolve. His lip began to tremble and Gray could see his entire world falling apart in those expressive green eyes.

“What…?” Natsu whispered, breathing ragged, “Why?!”

Gray knew he was grasping at straws with his reasoning. He just needed to make a clean break, no matter how much he hated himself for it. “I can’t do this anymore, Natsu. I care about you so much but this whole domestic, shacked up thing… it isn’t me. You know that.”

Natsu shuddered. “I thought we were working on that together!”

_'Oh, we were… more than you’ll ever know.’_

“I’m sick of it. I don’t want to be tied down anymore.” Natsu winced and his first tear slid down his cheek. Gray almost grabbed him right then, pulled him close and told him the truth. He wanted to beg Natsu to never let him go, to always stay by his side because damn it, he needed him. _'Think of dad. Think of mama. Deliora has to pay.’_

“So this is it?” Natsu’s voice broke halfway through and Gray’s heart broke along with it. “You’re just gonna give up? We’ve come so far, Gray. I don’t want to lose you.” His tears flowed freely now, faster and faster as he became more distraught. He thought things were going so well…

Gray sighed. “Don’t look at me like that, Natsu. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Look, whatever’s bothering you… just tell me. I can work on it. I can be better.” Gray let out a bitter chuckle. Natsu was the best damn thing that had ever happened to him. That’s why he couldn’t bring him into this mess. He refused to have Natsu anywhere _near_ that psycho, even if it meant that the fire mage had to move on without him. “Just don’t go. Give me a chance to fix this. I love you, Gray. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Gray was so close to breaking. The look in those bright eyes seemed to bore into his soul, the plea in them resonated through his bones.

“There’s no fixing this.” Gray said with finality. This couldn’t go on much longer or else he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to leave. He picked up his bags and made for the door.

“Why the hell not?!” Natsu demanded.

_Fuck_. The time had come. He had to deliver the final blow, hurt Natsu enough so he’d want to get over him. Gray turned around and squared his shoulders. He made his eyes frosty, his voice cold, “Because I don’t love you anymore, Natsu.”

“Gray…” Natsu floundered. Didn’t love him anymore? When did he… three days ago he had just said… The dragon slayer couldn’t think straight, couldn’t speak.

Gray’s eyes softened, just for a moment. “Do me a favour and take care of yourself. I’m going on a really important job, and I won’t be back for a very long time. So nothing stupid, okay?”

“What do you care?” Natsu bit out. “You can’t stand being with me anymore, right?” Gray took a step back at the harsh tone, heart pounding with the desire to smother Natsu in his arms and never move again. “That’s what you just said, isn’t it? So why are you still here? Just go, Gray! Get out!”

Gray flinched. The guilt that flashed in Natsu’s eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life. He gave a solemn nod of his head and walked out the door before running for the stairs.

“No, Gray, wait! I didn’t mean it! Come back!” Natsu shouted after him, running for the door he had disappeared through.

He heard the apartment door swing back open as he kicked the exit door out of his way. He couldn’t listen another plea to stay. He wasn’t strong enough to deny his dragon again.

After a quick goodbye to Gramps, Gray headed off to the train station to meet with Marshalls.

“You look like you’ve had a rough day.” He observed.

“Keep your damn comments to yourself. Can I have my ticket, please?”

Gray was glad he had a private cabin. He knew he was going to cry half way to whatever tiny hick town Deliora was last spotted in.

_'Natsu, I am so fucking sorry.’_

* * *

_Four years_. Gray spent four long years searching before he found Deliora.

He had never been so angry in his life. He nearly killed the bastard. The man was barely breathing when the magic council arrived. “You weren’t kidding when you said we needed to bring our best medics.”

“Can’t have him dying, now can we? He has a lifetime of suffering to do.” Gray’s voice was like ice, anger and adrenaline still pumping through his veins.

He did it. He had taken down his parents’ killer. He could finally go home.

_Home_ … It still pained Gray to think about it. He hadn’t felt like he had a home in years, not since he left Natsu broken and crying in their apartment. _Natsu’s_ apartment. Gray was without a doubt no longer welcome there.

“Good job, Fullbuster.” Marshalls walked up behind him, slapping him on the back. “I’ll send your last cheque to Fairy Tail for you to pick up. Your flight is already booked, you’ll be on the last one tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Marshalls.” He had gotten the closure he needed. At least where _Deliora_ was concerned.

He still loved Natsu with everything he had, every fibre of his being. He wanted to know if his dragon had moved on. A selfish part of him hoped he hadn’t. That small part was heavily overshadowed by the part that hoped Natsu had found every happiness in the four years he was gone.

He barely had any contact with anyone back home. Only Makarov knew the true reason he was gone. Gray talked to him every few months. He couldn’t bring himself to ask about Natsu and Gramps dared not bring him up.

Gray felt as though he should call and tell Gramps he was coming home. He couldn’t hit the send button. He knew deep down that he wouldn’t be going to the guild hall first thing when he got there.

_'Natsu…’_

Giving his head a shake, Gray decided to head to the bar under the false pretence of celebrating.

“Why don’t I come with ya?” Marshalls gave him a bright smile.

“Sorry, Marsh. I’d rather be alone if you don’t mind.”

“What fun is celebrating by your…” he trailed off as he recognized the look in Gray’s eyes. He wasn’t celebrating. He was trying to drown the guilt he felt, “ya know what? You go have fun. I’ll come by to pick you up tomorrow evening.”

“Thanks, man.”

About eight drinks later, Gray’s mind became a foggy haze filled with images of a pink haired boy. _'Not boy. He isn’t 19 anymore. Mavis, he’s 23 now.’_

He buried his face in his hands. Four years missed. Four years of anniversaries, birthdays, missions, fighting, love making… He knew that’s what would have been. God, maybe Natsu had been doing that with someone else for a couple of years now. Gray couldn’t keep letting himself hold onto the hope that maybe, _maybe_ the dragon slayer still had a place for him in his heart. Not after the way he left. _'It was the only way.’_

When the first tear slid down his cheek, Gray knew it was time to leave the bar. He paid his bill, stopped by the beer store, grabbed more liquor, and went to his hotel room.

He pulled the photo of him and Natsu out of his wallet. The edges were worn out, there was a smudge in the corner from all the times Gray had gripped it between his finger and thumb. There were even a couple of tear stains on it, as pathetic as that made Gray feel. That photo had gotten him through some really tough times. It became his steel will to catch Deliora. After one year away from home, he needed more motivation than his parents, as terrible as that sounded. Deliora hadn’t killed anyone in years. Why should Gray sacrifice all this time to catch him?

He had really contemplated going home and begging Natsu to take him back. Then he really started to think. Just because Deliora hadn’t been active for a while, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t start again. He could take someone else’s parents, someone else’s family. He could take someone else’s _Natsu_. He could not allow that to happen. The man had to be brought down.

Natsu gave him drive, even when he wasn’t around. Natsu’s anguish would not be in vain. Gray would defeat his enemy and hopefully, Natsu would understand, maybe even be proud.

There were tears sliding down his face. Again. He took a swig straight out of the open whiskey bottle between his legs. This mission really did a number on his liver. Every time he thought he was getting nowhere, he’d drink. Whenever he wanted to go home and see Natsu again, he’d drink. It was Natsu’s birthday? Drink. It was their anniversary? Drink. He hated being so far away from his family? Drink.

Thinking of it that way, Gray wasn’t surprised it took him four long years to do everything. _'I’m such an idiot.’_

It wasn’t long before Gray was plastered. He stared at his phone, Natsu’s cell number dialed, his thumb hovering over the call button. How many times had he done this? How many times had he desperately wanted to hear Natsu’s voice, even if he told him to fuck right off and never call again?

He cleared the screen and chucked his phone across the room. He desperately wanted to tell Natsu he was coming home, that he missed him and wanted to have lunch and catch up. At the very least, Gray hoped they could be friends.

He couldn’t believe he had the smallest glimmer of hope that Natsu would want him back. He sure as hell didn’t deserve him. Natsu had to have moved on by now. What if he was married? What if he had kids? Oh, Mavis. He bet if Natsu did have kids they were cute as hell.

He wondered if they were blonde, or if their hair was stark white. Maybe they had Natsu’s beautiful pink hair. Any child of the Salamander would have to have his eyes. Those eyes were too full of life and passion not to be passed on to his children.

Natsu with children. Natsu married… to someone else. The thought of the fire mage with someone else, anyone else, “ _Fuck_.” It felt like someone lit a fire in his heart, and not the warm, loving kind he felt in Natsu’s presence.

_'Get a fucking grip. You don’t even know if he’s married, let alone has kids.’_

Gray went to take another sip from his bottle only to find it empty. Damn it. He shrugged and let it roll onto the floor. He curled up on his side, picture clutched to his chest, resting over his guild mark.

_'Natsu…’_

With one last thought of the dragon slayer, Gray let his consciousness slip away. Hopefully he wouldn’t dream of green eyes crying and pleading with him to stay. That always made Gray wake up feeling guilty and empty. Those nightmares were the worst kind, and they were the only ones that plagued his sleep since he left Magnolia.

* * *

“Fullbuster!” Gray’s reluctant eyes opened a crack, light flooding in and causing his head to pound. “Fullbuster, wake up!”

“Ugh, five more minutes,” he simpered, sleep still heavy in his voice.

"No can do, we leave for the airport ASAP. Use that five minutes to go brush your teeth.” The blond wrinkled his nose. “Maybe brush them twice. It smells like a fucking distillery in here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gray pushed himself up off the bed, body screaming in protest.

“At least you packed last night before you passed out.”

Gray looked to his left to find his belongings shoved into the open suitcase. Huh. He definitely did not remember doing that.

* * *

“Well, Gray, it was nice working with ya.” Marshalls said as he stepped out of the car to shake the ice mage’s hand. “Thank you for your help. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“You’ve thanked me enough. Take care of yourself, all right old man?”

Marshalls tossed his head back and laughed. “Just you wait. You aren’t going to be 24 forever.”

“Whatever you say,” Gray chuckled. “Thanks for the ride, have a good night!” He gave one last wave before walking away. He looked around downtown Magnolia. Home. He was _home_.

He wandered aimlessly, memories playing in his head. He passed by an old Cafe. That place had Natsu’s favourite hot chocolate. He passed by his favourite bar. That place had the flaming tequila Natsu loved so much. He passed by an Italian restaurant. That was where he took Natsu on their first date. He pulled the picture out of his wallet and held it up in front of the door, trying to imagine what they must have looked like when Levy snapped the picture. Like a couple of idiots in love. A genuine smile spread across Gray’s face for the first time in a long time.

He popped into the next hotel he found and dropped his bags off. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep. He was excited for the first time in four years. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed this town until the plane landed.

He stepped back onto the street, letting his feet carry them where they may. It was quiet, the only lights on were the streetlights. The clock tower in the middle of town told him it was 3 am. He had the sidewalks all to himself.

_'I can’t remember the last time I felt this… at peace with the world.’_ Yes, he could. It was the last time he’d held Natsu before he left.

His feet stopped moving. Gray looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Of course he walked here. He craned his neck back a little more. There it was. Their bedroom window. _Natsu’s_ bedroom window.

He wondered if Natsu still lived there. Gray would have moved out. There were too many memories there. Laughing, kissing, stupid fights, throwing pillows at each other’s faces, cheesy couple’s nights with Lyon and Juvia.

Gray shook his head. He shouldn’t be here. He turned, every intention of leaving passing through his mind.

Curiosity got the better of him and he walked to the buzzer pad. _204, Dragneel._ He still lived here. Gray pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He could be upstairs right now.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he walked around the side of the building. He took a running start at the wall and jumped as high as he could, easily grabbing onto the fire escape ladder. He was glad the building was well maintained and the ladder didn’t squeak when it lowered. Gray climbed up as quietly as he could, stopping just outside the living room window.

The furniture was all in the same place, the same photos on the walls. The portrait of all the guild members sat proudly above the fire place. Gray was almost surprised a picture of him was still up.

_'Natsu isn’t that petty.’_ He scolded himself.

His hands moved forward, almost of their own accord and slid the window up. Of course it was open. Natsu wasn’t scared of anything.

_'I really shouldn’t be doing this.’_ Gray thought as he eased himself inside. He slid his shoes off and crept across the living room floor.

He hadn’t been here in four years, but he still remembered where the creaky parts of the floor were. He explored the open space, smiling giddily every time he discovered Natsu kept something of his, or a gift he got for the dragon slayer.

A small snore from the bedroom told Gray that Natsu was here. His heart began to pound in his chest. He quietly stole into the room, half expecting to see someone laying beside him, half praying there wouldn’t be.

His breathing hitched when he saw Natsu’s sleeping form. He still slept on his side with one arm under the pillow. His back was to him, and Gray studied how much more muscular it had become.

_'I shouldn’t be here. This is not only creepy, it’s fucking illegal.’_ He didn’t care. He had to see Natsu’s face. He tip toed around the bed and had to clamp his hand over his mouth to prevent a gasp from slipping out. He had almost forgotten how handsome his dragon was, how beautiful he was when he was sleeping.

“Natsu, I… I love you.” He whispered so quietly he barely even heard himself.

He stood there for a few minutes, aching to reach out and stroke his hair, run his fingers over his well sculpted chest.

When his fingers twitched, wanting to do as they please, Gray knew it was time to go. He shouldn’t have stayed as long as he did. Hell, he shouldn’t even be in here. He took one step towards the door when he heard it. The deafening crash of something smashing a window, followed by a car alarm.

_'SHIT.’_ Gray ducked into a squat, body hidden in the shadows under the window. What the hell was he doing? There was no point in hiding.

“Huh, what?!” Natsu bolted up out of bed, disoriented. He sniffed once, twice. “Gray?”

Gray couldn’t speak. Couldn’t fathom anything but, _'What the flying fuck have I gotten myself into?’_

Natsu’s eyes found him, bright green, fully awake now and… curious? He didn’t look angry, that’s for sure. “Gray…”

Gray swallowed. “H-hi.” He said sheepishly as he stood up.

“You’re back.” Natsu said softly, eyes tearing up.

“Um, yeah. I… finished that mission I told you about.”

That seemed to bring Natsu to reality. Anger set into those brilliant green orbs. “Four years.” He spat. “Four _fucking_ years, Gray.”

Gray winced. “I know, Natsu. I’m sorr–”

“Sorry?!” Natsu snarled. “Sorry for what? For leaving me with such a shitty explanation? For leaving me with the duty of telling our friends that you were gone and no more reason to give than _he doesn’t love me anymore_? For not calling once to check up on how I was doing?” Natsu’s hands clenched into fists, fire licked at his skin, steam billowed out of his mouth.

“…Yes.” Gray murmured.

“Yes? That’s all you have to say? _Yes?!_ ” Tears started slipping down his cheeks and Gray’s vision blurred.

“I’m so, _so_ fucking sorry Natsu.” Gray choked out. “I… I…”

“Save it.” Natsu muttered. “You don’t give a shit. You’ve made that much clear.”

“I tried to call –”

“ _Tried?_ You tried to call? It isn’t difficult to dial some numbers and hit send.” He shook his head of disheveled hair, sniffing back moisture. “I should know. I called you less than a week after you left only to find that you had changed your fucking number. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? What I’ve been through the last four years?”

“I’m sorry.” Gray whispered.

Natsu ignored him, arms thrown up in the air in exasperation. “I thought you hated me! I thought about our relationship over and over, wondering where the hell I went wrong, what I did to make you leave so suddenly.”

“I don’t hate you, Natsu. I could never hate you.” Gray rushed out.

“You have a funny way of showing it.” Natsu finally looked at him again, eyes blood shot, lids starting to go puffy. “It’s really fucking shitty, ya know? Going through every goddamn day forcing a smile onto your face for the sake of your friends. Only truly feeling happy once in a while when something wonderful happens.”

Natsu rubbed at his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. “It isn’t just me you left, either. Everyone else at Fairy Tail, our allies from other guilds, your brother!” Natsu shot him an accusatory look. “Lyon’s been going nuts not hearing from you. He misses you like crazy, maybe more than I have.”

“Oh God…” Lyon. Gray had written him so many letters only to tear them up. Lyon would only tell Juvia where he was, and soon after everyone else would know and Natsu would have come running to save him.

“He got married six months ago. Him and Juvia.” Natsu wiped more tears from his face. “They wanted to wait, but we were starting to wonder if you were ever coming home.”

“Fuck.” Gray leaned back against the window sill, head hung in shame.

“Erza and Jellal had a baby.” Natsu continued.

“Seriously?” Gray’s head shot up.

“Yeah. She’ll be one in a couple of weeks.”

He was beginning to really hate himself. “Mavis. I’ve missed so much. I’m… really fucking sorry.”

“You should be! You leaving me? _That_ I can understand. But everyone else… how fucking selfish can you be?”

Gray flinched. He was right.

“I had my reason for leaving. It doesn’t make me going away for so long okay, but I have one nonetheless.”

“If you’re just gonna tell me again that you were sick of living such a domesticated life, don’t bother.” Natsu swiped the back of his hand over his tear-streaked face. “I’ve spent enough time mulling that over. All I really want to know is what I did wrong, what I did to make you stop loving me so suddenly.”

A pang echoed through Gray’s chest. “Natsu, you didn’t do anything.”

“Oh? You just decided you were done with me?” His eyes snapped to Gray, the fire in them born anew. “That’s pretty shitty. If I had actually _done_ something, that would at least tell me what to avoid in future relationships!” A fresh set of tears surfaced. “God, I’m just that easy to stop loving? Fuck!”

Panic set in, guilt skyrocketed. “No! Please don’t cry, it isn’t like that!” He sobbed.

“ _Don’t cry?_ _Isn’t like that?_ You are so full of shit!” Natsu growled. “You still have no idea what you did when you left, do you? You fucking broke me, Gray! I tried to move on, I tried really fucking hard, but every time I made any fucking progress, your birthday would roll around, or our anniversary. If it wasn’t that, I would find an old shirt of yours lying around and the faintest trace your fucking scent would still be clinging to it! God fucking damn it.” Natsu pressed his palms against his eyelids. He wished he could stop fucking crying.

“Natsu, it was a lie! All of it, a fucking lie!” Gray’s voice raised frantically. What the hell had he done to Fairy Tail’s mighty fire dragon slayer?

That stopped Natsu’s rant, his eyes were now wide and curious. “What was a lie?”

“Me being sick of being shacked up with you. Me not wanting to be with you anymore. Me not loving you. None of that was true. I… I had to break up with you so I could leave for a few years. I knew it was the only way you wouldn’t chase after me.” There. He finally told him. Why did his chest still feel so heavy?

“WHAT?! You LIED to me?!” Natsu all but screeched. “If you still loved me, why wouldn’t you want me with you?” .

Gray sighed, arms folded across his chest. “I wanted you with me the entire time I was gone. Please believe that. My boss wouldn’t let me. But I had to find him, take him down. Make sure he can’t do to anyone else what he did to…” He trailed off, throat feeling tight again.

“Who?”

“Deliora.” He whispered back. “That’s why I left. To find him so he could spend the rest of his life in prison.”

Natsu’s eyes looked like saucers. Before Gray could blink, he was out of bed and in his face, one arm on either side of his head. “You went after a goddamn serial killer by yourself?” He hissed. “Are you insane? He could have murdered you! Damn it, Gray!”

How could Natsu still be so concerned about him? “Well, he didn’t. He’s behind bars now. He’ll never hurt anyone again.”

Natsu sighed. To Gray’s shock, he leaned his forehead against his shoulder. “I understand why you went, but I still wish you had told me. If your boss wanted you on the job that badly, he would have dealt with me either way and we’d still be together right now. But there’s nothing we can do about that now so it’s best that we let everything go. I’m just glad you got your closure.” He whispered, breath warming Gray’s bare chest. “And I’m really glad that you came home safely.”

Tears were trailing down Gray’s cheeks again. “Me too. Can I…” he drew a deep breath, “can I please hold you? Just one more time.”

Natsu looked up at him, eyes shining with unshed tears. “We have to move on, Gray.”

“I know.” He barely managed with how tight his throat was. “But I miss you so much it hurts and I just want one last memory of how you feel in my arms before I let you go.”

Natsu bit his lip, let his arms fall from the window to trail up Gray’s sides. “Okay.” Gray released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and pulled Natsu to his chest with crashing force.

This was going to hurt in the morning. It was going to hurt like hell but that didn’t matter. He could let Natsu go as long as the dragon slayer continued to be a part of his life. Even if they couldn’t be together any more, his friendship was more than enough to keep Gray’s heart beating.


End file.
